Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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