i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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