We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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