whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
