I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
