I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize