My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
