it was like his penis was on wheels.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
