then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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