She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
