you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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