Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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