thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
