There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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