My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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