Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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