How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
