I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
