Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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