someone threw a dead crab at me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
