Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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