There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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