Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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