just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
