He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
