May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
