Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
