Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
