why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
