I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
