I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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