hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sober January is a disaster.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
