It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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