we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
