I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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