Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
