I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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