I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
