Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
