You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
