His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
