Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
