Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
