But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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