So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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