I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
