So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
