I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
