How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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