im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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